Choosing Your Wedding Party
Now that you’re engaged, you have many big responsibilities ahead of you. One of the biggest will be organizing your wedding party.
Before you start making a list of people, talk about numbers. The number in your party impacts the logistics of everything wedding from the size of your wedding transportation to how you will stand at the front of the church, to the arrangement of the head table(s) to the time it takes to walk down the aisle and to take the photos. Everyone that you invite to be part of your wedding party represents a financial commitment. The larger your ensemble, the more you will spend on entertainment and gifts.
Make
a firm decision about who will be your attendant
of honor. This isn’t a role to be
shared. It may not be a role for your
best friend, either, unless your best friend is also extremely organized and
great at keeping you calm under stress.
There
is no “rule” about the number of attendants, but there is one about ushers.
You will need to have one usher for every 50 guests. The ushers are extremely important to keep
your wedding guests comfortable and informed about the event.
STEP TWO: Choosing
Let’s start by removing some of the myths
about who you have to include among your bridesmaids or
groomsmen.
You
DO NOT have to invite the people who have included you in their
weddings.
You
DO NOT have to invite your siblings or your cousins unless you count
them as those who are most important/close to you.
You DO NOT have to invite the spouses of the people your fiancé has invited.
There
isn’t any person—friend or relation who, according to etiquette must automatically be part of your
wedding party.
So, how do you choose
the significant people who will be a special part of your most important day? Here
are some questions to consider:
Who
are your confidants? Who knows all about
your romance because you shared your happiness her/him?
Of the people on your list, who are most likely
to still be in your life when you celebrate your 10th wedding
anniversary?
Which
of your wedding party candidates will fit well into your married life? Which of them are likely to be good friends
of you as a couple?
Who
on your list have always been people you could rely on to help you out when you
have been in a bind?
Which
of your potential bridesmaids and groomsmen will get along best with each
other?
Who
will you have the most fun with during the events that lead up to your wedding
and during the wedding day?
STEP THREE: Asking
When
you approach someone that you would like to have in your wedding party, it
should be a one-on-one or two-on-one (if you do it as a couple) time, don’t ask
in a group, or on the phone, don’t text your request.
Be
prepared to tell the responsibilities that will come with the role you are
asking the person to fill. If you want
your bridesmaids to work together to plan a bridal shower or bachelorette
party—tell them before they agree to
be a bridesmaid.
Give
an estimate (as close as possible) of the financial obligation that will come
with the honor. You won’t have exact prices
for clothing, etc. but you should at least have a target price or a maximum
that you can share.
Share
the names of everyone else in the wedding party. It shouldn’t make any difference, but if
someone has a problem with another member of the group,
it’s better to know at an early stage in the planning.
It
is possible that one of your chosen party members will not agree to be in your
wedding. If that happens, you should be
gracious.
